No Man's Land

I watched "The Warriors" at a friend's house. All was going well (i.e. no injuries) until I got home. Drunk and sleepy, I washed my face and shut off the faucet-- but the water didn't stop running. I trotted downstairs and realized there was no water running out of any faucet. At 1:15 AM, I realized there was water running under the house: the outside faucet had snapped off the house. I crawled, WW1 style, through a No Man's Land of crickets, gravel and CPVC piping to shut off the valve. My elbows and knees bruised up, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the bruise to the checkbook-- 340 dollars. Luckily, I did get to watch a 250-pound plumber squirm while a friend's beagle discovered his ass when they both crawled under the house.